Torn.

Since I realized that people aren't going to want to send their personal stories to some random girl on the internet, I decided that I should probably start writing about some of my past experiences just so that people that happen to come by my blog can see that I really do have advice to offer and that I understand what it's like to have a problem and not knowing what to do about it. Saying this, I also know from experience that it always helps a ton to talk to someone about it. It doesn't matter who. Whether it's some random girl on the internet, a counsellor, a friend, a family member, or even a reliable acquaintance. It always helps to acknowledge your fears and your troubles and to express them.

Right now, I have been going through the toughest time of my life. I recently went back to my home in the Philippines and visited my family for a month. I haven't seen them in 5 years and I felt like I was literally walking on air. I felt so light and happy and glowing and just like I'd found my place. But when the time came, and I thought I should feel excited to come back here, in Canada but the reality was, I wasn't. I was happy where I was and I couldn't see myself anywhere else. But the thing is, I grew up in Canada and I have my friends and some extended family and my dad and school and all those things that had seemed so real to me just over a month before then, and I knew I had to get back to it all and get back to my life. It wasn't easy, and it still isn't. I still have trouble sometimes sleeping alone or sometimes I even cry myself to sleep out of loneliness. The reality is that I'm feeling more torn now than I have EVER felt before. It's hard to deal with but that's just part of life.